This Running Life

Today my oldest son, Preston, turns 13.

A teenager now, he is a bundle of hormones and craziness, with a changing mind and body.  To be sure, he has ALWAYS been goofy. He is of my loins, after all.  But as he enters the teen years I see in him all the classic pubescent hormonal moodiness that comes part and parcel with this period in his life.

When Preston was born and we faced crying nights, active toddler years, and need for sleep as he expressed endless childhood energy, friends with older kids warned me that this was the easiest part of  parenting.  That when they became teens, kids were so much harder to raise and father; that you can no longer control them in ways you could when they were 2.

I was scared when I heard this. Mortified by stories of struggle and frustration.  But it hit me yesterday that the struggle and frustration doesn’t come from the child’s perspective, necessarily.  It comes from the parents’ view.  The next 5 years for Preston will not be easy.  They will not be all laughs and cinematic moments of self-discovery.  There will be frustration, tears, anger, yelling.  All the stuff humans do as they mature, as they grow, as the come to terms with the changes in body and mind and soul.

My role in all this? I get to be Preston’s dad as he becomes a man. I get to laugh with him, drive him crazy with my goofiness, be firm when needed, understanding when called for, and consistent at all times.  He deserves a dad who will take this journey with him in good cheer, with an affability, and the willingness to suspend my dreams so that he can achieve his.  He needs a dad who understands that these emotional and physical changes he is experiencing are not on purpose, or designed to irritate me, but part of his maturation process.  That he cannot control most of what it happening to him, so why should I get bent out of shape by this, or take offense?  He deserves a dad who will, simply put, be there at any time and for any reason, like my dad was for me.  He deserves a dad who “gets” him and smiles my goofy smile as he grows into my son, the man.

I never really knew what love was until Preston was born. That day, as I looked with wonder upon this beautiful boy, I realized that I would do anything, give anything, sacrifice anything, to secure the safety and happiness of that little boy who brightened my world such that I never imagined possible.

“I can hardly wait
To see you come of age
But I guess we’ll both just have to be patient
‘Cause it’s a long way to go
A hard row to hoe
Yes it’s a long way to go

But in the meantime
Before you cross the street
Take my hand

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy “

–John Lennon